about myself, so far in my life

mainly it all starts here, at the age of 7 I decided and dedicated to myself to waiting for my one true love; so far ten years running......well after told myself that soon enough I became largely aware of girls, which quickly made me shy about them, but from there it made me mainly shy to all people. after a while it made me anti-social and then I sort of made it to where I seemed to make it look like that I don’t care about anything or anyone, I mainly been like that ever since...cause of that I never had any friends mainly my whole life, though I always wanted one very much. In the end I was never really able to break away from being anti-social and my shyness. I stayed like that for a very long time. Even so, I always wanted friends through out it all. Even so I was never able to make some so I easily slipped into some what of a depression. Being so lonely I started to write poetry where I put all of the emotions into it and also all my dreams of true love, friends, and my nightmares. After a while I decided to post up those poems so that anyone can read out my emotions and soon enough I starting thinking, that if I can't break through my shyness, that I’ll try to make friends through a way that my shyness can’t really reach out. Then I was able to make a friend online; her name is Connie. She was my very first friend and that with my loneliness and want of a friend for so long made it so that I told every single little thing about me to her. She always listened and I did the same back. Soon enough she was the very best friend I ever had whom was the only person that I told all of my soul to as she also was the person who single handedly pulled me out of depression. So far she was my very first friend and the best one and it is because of her that I was able to make other friends. Including some who are also really good friends all of whom I really cherished. Those precious friends are Michelle, Anna, Theresa, and Samantha. Though I was able to make a lot of treasured friends, my anti-social self sort of began to influence me in the online world; and I would disappear from the online world from two weeks to couple of months at a time. This obviously affected my friendship with others and I lost some of those precious friends because of it. All of my friends mainly live all over the world though a lot of them are in North America. Although it seems sort of sad that I made most of my friends through them talking to me online because of how they felt sorry for me because of the emotions that I put into my poems. Even if most did start off of pity after a while they would then become good friends who rely on me and that I relied upon. Out of my best friends Connie lives the closest to me. When we started being friends, she lived at Milpitas (at that time I never heard of the city) as I lived in San Jose. Out of a huge coincidence I moved from San Jose to Milpitas. She’s younger then me but turns out that we get to be in the same high school for one year, 07-08. but it turns out that our friendship wasn’t really able to last that long......well it seems as though as my last year of school will be one that will be the same as all the other times. like the last three years of high school, I’ll be the invisible guy who has no friends and blends in with the surrounds, who won't talk unless forced to by a teacher........well I guess I told everything about my life for myself till the age of 17......well as long as I don’t specifically tell who I am I guess everything will stay the same, because I noticed a lot of other people who are even more anti-social and invisible them me.....I still cant surpass my shyness so I never really talked to them or stuff. (I know I missed some stuff, but that's all I can say and remember for now)

fading soul

I don’t want to be alone ever again
with no one that has an ear that they can lend
I don’t want to go back to being by myself
where I’m with only me and no one else
the time were there wasn’t anyone to help when I was in need
where I was very fragile as a glass bead
the time where I hated things for reasons I didn’t know why
where no one would miss me or didn’t care if I would die
and would have no reasons at all to live on
sometimes I would stay up thinking of it until dawn
also thinking of a way to continue living like how I’m now
I would ask others if they would know how
but in reality I know there’s no way to continue living like this
so before that I have to enjoy all I can of this bliss
all my friends have a place in my heart
but I have to enjoy it before it all falls apart
some of the closest people to me stopped being my friend
and would ignore or complain about all the messages I would send
one by one, I’m slowly losing the friends I cared about most of all
now I don’t think that there’s anyone to catch me if I fall

Broken Fate

my life is now hanging by a single string
a single strand that can support so much
this was made when you offer your shoulder for me to lean
and enforced by our hand's first touch
now, the only reason for me to live, is for you
and to keep it like that, there wouldn't be anything I wouldn't do
in my heart you're my most precious treasure
and my heart will always stay like that forever
after all you gave me my only reason to live
and I would cherish everything that you would give
but suddenly, you then disappeared
of all things, this was my very worst fear
after that, I only lived my life in despair
the string, that we shared, now stretches and almost would break
even though it was our string of fate
as it stretches I don’t know how to live my life anymore
soon it broke; my heart fell and is now in pieces on the floor
I died painfully during those many many days
so slowly and quickly died all in very different ways

I haven't made one from my imagination from a long time

I dont really care of how no one visits here anymore
just as long as I can post up the poems so everyone can see them
maybe after I stop writing them...